My brother always has a way to make me feel inferior, ugly, or anything remotely similar to that. The look on his haughty face when he scrutinizes me, criticizes my appearances, my hair, whatever; it makes me feel like the lowest life form in this planet.
And yet I still want to believe that he's a great brother. He is. I know he is. During the most unexpected times, he'll do or say something light but with such caring intentions that leaves me without a doubt that he still looks out for me despite me looking like a gargoyle compared to his skinny, fair, tall, and-the-list-goes-on girlfriend.
I remember the time when he immediately offered to pay my phone bills for me when I ran outta money; when he said he didn't want to be that good friends with Keong yet just in case there comes a time when he'd have to bash him up for... y'know, whatever reasons a guy would wanna punch his sis's boyfriend.
Although really, I have mixed feelings about that. =p
And after a while, I realize his incessant asking about my relationship with Keong was not merely to satisfy his inborn nosiness (we share the same guilty pleasure for family gossips =p) - he was concerned coz it's my first relationship, bla3...
On the way back from Penang, I was alone in the car with him, and we were talking about our bf/gf stuff, sorta comparing back and forth, y'know, things like 'so what kinda nicknames do you have for each other', bla... and then he suddenly asked if Keong ever asked me to have sex. I was like, dOh of course not. And he went all thoughtful and said, "Well if he ever does, just kick him in the balls, ok. And ask his brother to talk to your brother."
Ok so it was more funny than useful, but it's still brotherly advice. =)
We usually bond better when it comes to music, sometimes fashion. But lately I realize that our ways of thinking, what we want from life and things like that are so different. But that's no surprise, really. Who said siblings must have the exact same opinions about everything? Can't help hoping that he won't leave me behind in the future though.
Some might say I'm just too sensitive. Well, why shouldn't I? He's my brother; I care about what he thinks. But even though sometimes he makes me feel like shyte, I still can't make myself say mean and hurtful things to him. Like when his hair dye turned out a shade or two too light (I just said in the least damaging way possible that it's a bit light), or when my mom keeps saying he looks ugly after losing so much weight. Not that he'll even notice, thick-skinned croc that he is. =p
Maybe he treats me like the little brother he never had. It sure feels like it. =P The constant bullying, the I'm-bigger-so-you-change-the-vcd... But especially the
physical abuse. Like the way he'd chase after me, hold my head captive in between his arm and torso, and starts messing up my hair with his other hand. And not just like, messing gently, but full throttle grinding my head to dust type of thing.
Doesn't hurt as much as it sounds though; just kinda annoying when you're trying to appear grown up and well-groomed in a five-star beach resort.
And the oh-so-casual way he rests his whole arm on the top of my head just coz he's tall enough to do so...
*buRst oUt lauGhIng* At one point I got so used to it that I would unconsciously put Keong's arm on my head. *tRies tO stOp lauGhinG uRge coz bOth May & sIs is iN tHe rOom* Remember, honey? *giGgle*
Gosh it's kinda embarassing; hope nobody remembers this.
*Title is from the Cantonese movie, He's not heavy, he's my brother... if I remember correctly.
