profile Firmly believes in life after death. Secretly addicted to Gossip Girl & ATNM (oh, the shame). Finds painting own nails therapeutic. Takes an eternity to make a decision. Likes to swim. Fancies self as seasoned chef in manner of Masaharu Morimoto. Hates driving during rush hour. Feels happiest waking up to bright sunny mornings. Is afraid of cockroaches and balloons. Dislikes awkward silence. Buys too many dresses and not enough comfortable shoes. Is convinced that people only appreciate what they have to work hard for. tagboard archives February 2004 March 2004 April 2004 May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 August 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 skin by: Jane |
Tuesday, March 22, 2005 @ 6:11 AM
Snow & Mud Everytime we walk back from the bus stop, we hafta go through this short stretch of dirt path. We don't have to, not really, but it's the shortest route to the apartment. When it was clearly winter, the snow would pile up to our knees at that area, but I still use that path. It's kinda fun to watch half of my feet disappear into the snow and come back up all stuck with white flakes. Granted, it wets the apartment carpet, but that's the good (and bad) thing about carpeted floor - you can't see how much crap is actually in them. But now it's spring, and the snow is melting, making people slip and walk funny, and turning ground dirt to mud. It sucks when you step on those gooey mud - messes up your Nike sneakers, makes you feel like you're sinking down to Hades even as you try to walk, and worst of all, it makes you go all 'uGgggHh' inside. Or outside too, depending on your personality. So I always try to step on the remaining patches of snow instead. When, inevitably, I do happen to step on the muddy parts, I'll grit my teeth and force myself to move ahead till I get to the nearest snow. I mean, what else are you gonna do, stay on the mud and grind your way down further? And really, the snow doesn't just carpet your way and protect you from the gooey mud, it cleanses your soiled shoes as you walk! Before you know it, your shoes are good as new. See where I'm heading? Same concept. Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. - Romans 8:1-2 Saturday, March 19, 2005 @ 5:36 AM
Pride Comes Before A Huge Ouch I checked the weather through the bedroom window. Dots of white flakes were swirling in the air. Not too good a sign. Driving test was in an hour. But I felt pretty confident. I've been driving so much back home for a couple of years, and I practised last night with Firman. The fact that they have a whole lot more rules and signs here to abide to worried me a little, coz I was still a little confused about the traffic junction rules here. Still, I felt all right. A lot of distracting thoughts were threatening to divert my focus, but I willed them to back off. At least for now. God'll wing it for me. It started off great. The skies even cleared right before the exam started. Aced the parking test, did the blind spot thing, put out all the right signals, maintained speed limits... except for this one time I was about to turn left when the light turned green and he yelled at me to stop. I was supposed to 'cross with caution' and 'yield to oncoming traffic' coz it was a green light, not a green arrow, in which case you can cross safely without checking. Ok, juz one mistake. So far, so good. Started daydreaming a little about driving Su around when she comes. I didn't pass the exam. Mr R: You actually didn't pass the exam. Me : Oh. Mr R: You're a great driver. You did everything perfect. Me : Oh he's joking with me... Mr R: But you made that one mistake at the traffic lights. Remember, the left turning? You were about to go ahead without checking oncoming traffic. And that's a pretty big mistake... Me : No he's not. But don't cry yet. Went inside the office to make another appointment for next week in a daze. Hardly reached the car before I broke down. This is too much God, I thought bitterly. Why. It's like pouring bronzing/tanning lotion onto someone who'd already been sunburnt to hell. Shocking, and too painful... Why why why why why. So much shit going on and You couldn't even grant me this one small thing? I needed this, so I could at least have something to be happy about, to be able to wake up with a lighter heart instead of this brick of a heart I've been lugging around with me. I drove back home in the midst of a breakdown in the car. My tears were blurring my vision, all these questions I was shouting at God. I felt so alone. Completely, utterly alone. I didn't care that I was lost, till I figured out it was probably more comfortable to cry on my bed instead of behind the wheel. Managed to get home somehow. I'm trying to be strong here. I was drawing all my strength from You God, why did You snatch them right back from me? I need You, I didn't need this to further break down my spirit... After I calmed down some and managed to restrain myself from calling anyone to dump my raw emotions onto, things began to make a bit of sense. It was a genuine mistake. It was what I really needed to learn, the traffic light rules. But I was too arrogant to pay attention to the seriousness of it. I got irritated at their (roommies) repetitive shouts to 'put signal ah!' or 'check blind spot!'. I thought I could whiz right through the test without understanding the most basic of driving rules here. When my friends ask me how I did, it was all I could do to swallow my pride and said I'd failed. Everyone I knew passed the first time - what went wrong? And I realized I was still trying to defend myself, that it was juz one bloody mistake but the tester failed me over one measly mistake. I couldn't bear the thought that anyone would see me as a lousy driver. I'm a damned good driver, and I know it. ...Hm. So that's where the problem is huh God... Pride. Hateful pride. Messes with your mind like cats with your favorite sweater. It was a humbling experience, a painful experience with the worst timing ever, but I can't blame anyone but myself. God answered all my prayers - good weather, car in working condition, good driving skills and instinct, friendly instructor. So what went wrong? Me. ...Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. - Romans 12:3 That is why Scripture says: "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." ...Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up. - James 4:6&10 Monday, March 14, 2005 @ 10:21 PM
Hey, Guess what. I'm in this secluded li'l library on campus and I have the whole computer lab to myself. Kinda creepy, but at least I get to print my stuff. Oh someone juz came in. Was listening to Phillip, Craig and Wednesday, March 09, 2005 @ 2:38 AM
Blessed Birthdays HAPPY BURFDAY, YOU AUSSIE BUGGERS~! Namely, Stef and Eddy. XD Hey it's only a day difference, so I decided to lump y'all together. 0=) Hope you guys have brilliant birthdays and everything eh. I would've sang a Marilyn Monroe rendition of Happy Birthday, but I'm having this terrible sore throat so. I've tried everything - Redoxon, fruits, ginger ale (heh), chinese herbs... but who's complaining eh. It's just spring break. So how's it feel like to be Sunday, March 06, 2005 @ 12:40 AM
The Ultimate Cheesecake  The Ultimate Cheesecake (that's the official name for it). This kitty knows quality when he sees it. ;)  Want some zesty blueberry topping? There's lemon juice in it; mighty appetizing. Gets rid of the 'jai' feeling, y'know?  Two minutes after it's done: Cheesecakes don't survive too long around here.  Care for a slice? Saturday, March 05, 2005 @ 11:48 PM
Beat it, Winter Conscience usually takes a step back when self-interest comes into the picture. That is the little nugget of wisdom that crawled through my mind in my half-awake state, before I woke up, and decided to snuggle deeper into my down comforter and indulge in the warm, lazy habit of staying in bed for as long as I want. Ah. Spring break. Friday, March 04, 2005 @ 10:09 PM
Mud Pits When I reflect back to past experiences, it's hard not to notice the distinct pattern in my life. Things are soaring, everything's fabulous, it's easier to praise and worship God; and then they change, turn sour, everything falls flat, and it's all discontent and bitterness before Him... but so far Jesus has always gave me a hand out of the mud pit. Sometimes swiftly, other times gradually. Why throw us into the mud pit at all eh. Heck, why create a mud pit in the first place. "Pain is the fuel of passion - it energizes us with an intensity to change that we don't normally possess. C.S. Lewis said, 'Pain is God's megaphone.' It is God's way of arousing us from spiritual lethargy. Your problems are not punishment; they are wake-up calls from a loving God. God is not mad at you; he's mad about you, and he will do whatever it takes to bring you back into fellowship with him. But there is an easier way to reignite your passion for God: Start asking God to give it to you, and keep on asking until you have it." - Rick Warren When you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be dissappointed. - Jeremiah 29:13 Coz that's the only way Jesus can get through our thick skulls. Thursday, March 03, 2005 @ 12:24 PM
Running Day Today was the last day of the modern dancing class. It was so sad; pretty ironic that the last lesson was also the most fun. The instructor and her assistant, Deb and John, are super funny people. You can just die of laughter watching them fool around and dance. Deb's this really petite Caucasian and John's this uber chirpy, Energizer bunny type of guy. He acts kinda gay sometimes, but he's cool. =) Hahah I can almost hear your groan of disgust from way over here, dear. =P Anyways, we didn't have time to lament the fact that it was the very last time we'd dance together coz we had to rush out and catch the bus, which was supposed to come like, in 2 minutes. The usual five inches of snow, lungs frozen from the running, and we barely made it. I guess it was hard for the bus driver to miss three out-of-breath, mad-hair-flying girls trying to run in the slippery snow. He actually stopped for us, how nice. And guess what. A guy friend who used to fancy me was in the bus, witnessing our not-very-glamorous desperate dash for the bus. Sweaty, rosy-cheeked and panting for life-giving air. Nice. Ah well. Who cares eh. Mid terms today. I only remembered that we were supposed to bring our own blue books the minute I stepped into the classroom. After two seconds of oh-shytting, I ran out without my jacket to the library, praying to God that they have blue books there whilst slipping on them good ol' snow, and they did! Awesome savior greatest love of my life! Thank God! Got them blue books and trodded back to the classroom just as the professor began to hand out the question papers. Guess I was wrong about something rather important. =) Wednesday, March 02, 2005 @ 11:37 AM
Glistening Eyes, Glittering Snow Whatever that's going on in my life, be it some major depressing experiences or happy thank-God-I'm-alive incidents (but mostly during those miserable moments), I always tell myself that I'm accumulating life experiences, so I could relate to more people and be a better writer. I mean, how's one supposed to write about heartbreaks and extremely irritating weather (gRrr) if one has never had faced rejections or plowed through five inches of snow while the winds kept the snow stuck on your frozen face? But tonight, I say screw that. Some experiences just get plain old and frustrating after the first couple of hundred times. Like missing the bus at night after working for four brain-numbing hours in a blasted dormitory because the next shift came in late. Some people have buses to catch. Buses that take an interval of 40 minutes to come and 20 minutes to reach home. I wouldn't even be this frustrated if it weren't coz I have two mid terms tomorrow. Two particularly difficult mid terms. And of coz the fact that I see the bus moving past just as I was about to step out of the building. ARRRGGGGHHHHhhh!!! The wasted minutes of my life. I thought I was gonna spontaneously combust right there and then. Sure felt like it. Instead I just stormed into the restroom, sat down in one of the cubicles and cried to God. Somehow missing the bus makes me feel like I've fallen out of favor. Call me crazy but it's just something I've been thinking about lately. Ironically, the snow calmed me down a little. There's something about snow at night; they glisten. Especially under yellow streetlights. The hovering snow in the air looks like the glitter powder I always use, and every step you grind unto the snow, the thick layers of snow just shimmer. Maybe God likes glitter too. Tuesday, March 01, 2005 @ 1:00 AM
The Real World - Michigan I just read my last entry (yes, that's how self-involved I am =p) and realized something - I am such a drama queen. What sidelong glances in shopping malls eh? Most strangers are either nice to us or they don't give two hoots what we do. Well, perhaps some conservative Muslim countrymen. =P The airport incident was real though. If I'm completely honest, and stop trying to sugarcoat my life for 'public viewing'... the metaphoric 'sidelong glances', sadly, comes from people closer to home. =( Like my grandma, who I'd wish would at least be happy for me. And at times... my dad. Sighz. Real life sucks monkey balls sometimes. |