Cinnyz Mental Crib

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Firmly believes in life after death. Secretly addicted to Gossip Girl & ATNM (oh, the shame). Finds painting own nails therapeutic. Takes an eternity to make a decision. Likes to swim. Fancies self as seasoned chef in manner of Masaharu Morimoto. Hates driving during rush hour. Feels happiest waking up to bright sunny mornings. Is afraid of cockroaches and balloons. Dislikes awkward silence. Buys too many dresses and not enough comfortable shoes. Is convinced that people only appreciate what they have to work hard for.

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skin by: Ja ne

Sunday, July 24, 2005 @ 5:00 PM

Essay: Day at The Carnival

It was 6.50a.m and I was seriously regretting opening my big mouth when James asked for volunteers to man the food stall during the first shift. I know I was pretty pleased with myself for volunteering, especially when I found the food stall comfortably tucked underneath a huge tree, away from the glaring sun... but at that moment I felt like heaving my cell phone out of the window and snuggle deeper into the cooling cotton bedspread. But duty comes first. 0=) Managed to get up and got ready, woke bro and girlfriend up, and was at the field by...7.45am. Not too shabby, I'd say. My co-volunteers were there already, looking sorta bored. I stared at the boxes of sausage buns we were supposed to sell and I figured I knew the source of boredom. My nose picked up the scent of sweet pastry and roasted peanuts, and my eyes followed suit. Omigosh. Chinese pancakes. The thick kind. Right next to us. I remember craving for those when I was in Inti, ever since I saw the pancake seller but did not buy coz I was walking to class. Didn't wanna look like a country bumpkin in class, you see... Anyways. Business was slow, although it did mysteriously picked up pace whenever Keong came around to check things out... maybe it was a conspirary. =P Hehee. Felt a rush of memories flooding into my mind as the AMC marching band and cheerleaders were performing. I couldn't help but think, did I really dance, jump and grin like those girls out there when I was 17? In public?? ...Ignorance is bliss. Jason came around 10 minutes before my shift was over, which was just as well coz my co-volunteers had left without a trace. He helped out, we caught up with each other, he came up with the oh-so-original analysis that business were better when he was around... All was well till Tien came over to take over the stall and Jason, with all his British chivalry, told her he would cover for her, and that she could leave. To cut the story short, we ended up selling buns till the last 45 minutes. But it wasn't so bad - Andrea, Eddy and Yean Yik came soon after, and it was one of the most cooling sites in the whole carnival. At one point, Kivin and Alethea wanted to drench Keong real badly, so I helped them out by distracting him and taking away his cell phone. SOrry~~ 0=D I wished I'd taken pictures or something, of the carnival. Oh well. I had fun. Mom and bro and girlfriend were there on the preparation day and the actual carnival, doing the things I'd always wanted my whole family to join in, so I'm really glad. It's really amazing - when I was 14-15, I used to pray and hope that my parents and siblings would be active in church, and that our relationships would be united by our love for God... And now it's becoming true. Well, sorta. My relationship with my bro is held up more by mutual agreement to not rat on each other rather a shared love for all things holy. =P But we're getting there, by God's grace hehee. Ok la I know he loves me la. I love him also what. But you don't say things like that. Yech. Although after the camera incident, I wonder if he still feels the same... Anyways anyways. Maybe one day my whole family will open up to Jesus and receive His forgiving grace and abundant blessings~! Gosh I'm chirpy today. *bEam*

Saturday, July 23, 2005 @ 11:36 AM

I can't figure myself out. Am I a grown-up, or am I still growing up? I mean, here I am, yelling and stomping for my rights to freedom and individuality, and yet I'm still squealing for my dad when I see a cockroach or a lizard within three feet of my bed at night. I'm confused. Grown-ups don't do things like that, do they? I guess I want the best of both worlds - to be heard, respected and not be bothered by curfews and nagging, and at the same time be able to sit cross-legged in restaurant chairs without getting weird stares, and still retain the oh-she's-still-young all access pass whenever I mess up. But I suppose the nagging part will remain for a long time in most of our lives. My grandma never stops nagging her youngest daughter even though she's 48. The rojak in Menglembu is unbelievable. And cheap. Menglembu has the best and cheapest foods, seriously. It's really too bad most of you stay at the opposite end of town. Bleh.

Monday, July 18, 2005 @ 10:23 PM

REMINDER: It's Keong's birthday today~. =)

@ 9:20 AM

The things you say make sense to me. They really do. But I can't accept them. There's this buffer between my heart and yours that I just can't quite break down. I know you love me. I guess I keep telling everyone that, almost as if I'm still trying to convince myself. Maybe all your actions of love were just mere acts of responsibility, like how you feel obliged to provide for your siblings coz they're so used to you doing so. Mommy says it's the work of the devil, messing with my head, making me think that you don't love me. If that's really it, then the devil is doing one hell of a job right this moment. But I still know that you wouldn't have lectured me and be concerned for me if you hadn't loved me at all. Maybe what bothers me most is knowing for sure that you don't love me quite as much as che. Usually people talk about it and make jokes out of it. But when it's blatantly in my face I don't find it so funny. Che makes mistakes and does stupid things too, dumb things that I'm gracious enough not to rat on her about, but somehow you manage to widen the space of your heart to take all that. Without giving her the cold treatment, without looking at her with that slight disgust on your face, without reprimanding her with a voice meant for your employees. I don't get it. At times you guys tell me you wish I was a boy. Is that why you love me less, coz I didn't come out the right sex? But that can't be right. If there's anything you weren't, it was a sexist. Maybe I just rub you the wrong way. Too much like your dad, people say. Your actions, the way you talk, the way you deal with people. Che's more like mommy, so maybe that's why. Anyhow, I know and I even believe most of the things you lectured me about last night. I know it's for my own good, and that I probably should do most of the things you recommended/pushed me to start doing. But I don't want to. Somehow the way you said it rubbed me the wrong way, and your lecture felt like a nicely prepared bowl of porridge, warm and smooth till you really start eating it and the fish bones poke you right at the back of your throat - where it really hurts. I'm not trying to be rebellious. I dunno what I'm trying to be. All I know is that I wish I was still a kid, when all these family politics and hurts still couldn't break through the protective layer of innocence every kid has around them. If I ever decide to work upon your harsh words, it would be for myself, and not just to please you, or to wipe that heart-breaking, disappointed look on your aging face. I think it's healthier that way.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005 @ 9:31 AM

Ze Grrrand Canyorrn...

Acting cute with che. Hewooo =D

Lepaking in Santa Monica Beach.

Shooting site for War of The Worlds.

Ditto.

Universal Studios, LA.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005 @ 10:18 AM

In Search For The Perfect...

"Try it out la, it has a very slimming effect," the saleslady coaxed Su. "We only one of these, so it's very unique. You won't find anybody wearing the same thing as you," she purred. "The price is really reasonable for its quality, see..." she enticed us with her heavily made-up eyes and witchy nails. Su and I exchanged meaningful looks - aggresive salespeople. Only the best ones for the la-la shops in Ipoh Parade. That was why we were extremely picky in our shopping. One can thread in dangerous waters as long as one keeps a will of steel and focus on own goals. =P At one point we tried on similar 'skirts' and it came out pretty weird. So we gave it back to the salespeople. Took us a while to see the model wearing the 'skirt' as a full dress. Oops. Oh well. The model looked weird too so. =P Su. I bought the pink 'thing' in Ruffery. 0=D Hehehee~

Friday, July 01, 2005 @ 10:42 AM

Cruising on the W-e-s-t Side