Cinnyz Mental Crib

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Firmly believes in life after death. Secretly addicted to Gossip Girl & ATNM (oh, the shame). Finds painting own nails therapeutic. Takes an eternity to make a decision. Likes to swim. Fancies self as seasoned chef in manner of Masaharu Morimoto. Hates driving during rush hour. Feels happiest waking up to bright sunny mornings. Is afraid of cockroaches and balloons. Dislikes awkward silence. Buys too many dresses and not enough comfortable shoes. Is convinced that people only appreciate what they have to work hard for.

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skin by: Ja ne

Monday, December 29, 2008 @ 4:10 PM

emo rei-mo

1.30pm. Feels lethargic, and trail of tiny, black ants sneaking out from a tiny hole between the bathroom tiles is driving me up the wall (even though have just cleaned my bathroom a mere 30 minutes ago!). Plus, period is officially late by two weeks.

1.33pm. Furiously wipe sink down with more brute strength and detergent than necessary. Gets a sense of satisfaction as I flush the pesky specks of black, wiggly dots down the drain.

1.50pm. Room is lit up by the afternoon rays struggling to burst through blue curtains, washing the walls with a pleasant sea-blue shade. Normally abundant sunlight makes me energized and cheerful enough to make (or at least want to make) personalized greeting cards for everyone in own phonebook, but now the afternoon heat just irritates me further. Or maybe because just heard boyfriend heading over to the guys’ place, probably to play computer games or something equally time-consuming and counter-productive. Switches on the air cond, grab a book from pile of old reads and curl up inside nest-like rattan chair. Something hard rubs against my feet – was one of the apple-green scented candles left over from my birthday. Feels guilty for negative thoughts towards boyfriend and makes a feeble attempt to reason with myself. Boyfriend is healthy male genetically-designed to seek bonding session ~~(albeit meaningless)~~ with others of his own kind.

3.40pm. Feels slight pang of hunger. Puts aside book and decides to get some shut-eye instead. Boyfriend is still not back.

5.10pm. Wakes up to own stomach’s loud growling. Goes downstairs to check the refrigerator for food and notices that boyfriend’s room remains dark and vacant. Comes to the conclusion that boyfriend does not give a rat’s ass if I starve to death. Takes a violent bite out of green apple in hand and storm back up to room.

6.05pm. Gets SMS from boyfriend saying dinner will be late. Deliberately refuse to reply till much later. Checks mobile phone calendar to count own menstrual cycle again. Definitely in prolonged PMS stage. Worries about being pregnant (even though have not engaged in any sexual activity that warrants such worries) but remains paranoid. Starts to feel sorry for self who might possibly be knocked up by a man who abandons self to perish in merciless afternoon heat and lonely house without real food (albeit a very clean house).

7.40pm. Boyfriend comes in and immediately hugs me. Tries to be cold and distant despite boyfriend’s arms around own waist. Boyfriend picks up on hostility, leans back to peer at my face at eye level. Rubs own waist and tummy gently and ask if I was having heartburn. Remains stoic but am actually pacified somewhat.

7.55pm. Heads out for dinner and movie with friends. Still has enough sense to not embarrass boyfriend with childish mood swings and acts normal in front of friends.

8.30pm. Feels much better after getting some food in stomach and boyfriend’s constant PDA.

9.25pm. Reveals to boyfriend about period problems and fears of becoming a single mom by Halloween next year. Boyfriend laughs at absurdity of own worries and vows to take full responsibility should I become the next virgin in history to give birth after Mother Mary.

11.57pm. Leaves cinema after dumb but visually-commendable movie. Has the last threads of PMS expelled from own system after unexpected kiss on forehead by boyfriend while waiting for elevator.

Sunday, December 28, 2008 @ 5:36 PM

love nuts

My mom came home the other day from the organic grocery store with a carload of about seven kilograms of raw nuts and dried fruits.

You know the mixed nuts and fruits you all like to munch on so much? Ma has calculated, and it’s so much cheaper to buy the raw ingredients in bulks and mix your own nuts! She exclaimed excitedly as she shoved the heavy bags into my arms the moment I opened the door for her.

Then she fired up the toaster oven, tied her dainty, embroidered apron from Japan around her waist and started roasting bags and bags of almonds, walnut, brazilian nuts and hazelnuts. The heated oven made it too warm and stuffy to hang around the kitchen so I scuttled away to watch reruns of Grey’s Anatomy until my mom yelled for me to take out the huge salad bowls to mix the stuff in.

The nuts were too hot to handle still so she made me sit down next to her and cut the dried figs and longans into tiny bite-size shapes. She was halving the roasted cashew nuts.

You know Ma, you can probably sell these stuff if you pack them into nice, attractive packages, I said idly as I popped a piece of fig into my mouth.

She shook her head mildly, her eyes still on the cashew nut she was carving into half. It’s not so easy to sell these organic stuff; there are a lot of competitors out there, and times are hard right now.

I know, but you don’t have to sell them in boring health food shops! Maybe if you set up a snazzy website and sell them online? Who knows right… I reached over to grab a couple of the cashew nuts she has yet to cut and slid them into my mouth. She narrowed her eyes at me disapprovingly, but did not stop me.

Mommy will only do these kinds of things for my loved ones. I don’t have the motivation to this for any other reasons, she explained.

She looked so earnest and content chopping up the nuts and mixing them into the enormous bowl that I could feel a tear sneaking its way out of the corner of my eye. Where does she find so much love in her to give? And wait, was that a gold halo hovering over her head?

I guess that’s why you can call these… love nuts, ya? She chuckled to herself, oblivious to the hilarity of what she’d just said till I bowled over with laughter. Slightly startled, she looked up from what she was doing to inquire what on earth had gotten into me.

In between heaps of uncontrollable snorting and giggling, I explained to her the many implications of a love nut.

To which she burst out laughing as well, till she decided to give one last attempt in disciplining her youngest daughter into a proper young lady and briefly chided me for thinking (and saying) such vulgar things.

Sorry ma, I apologized as I wiped away tears of laughter. Thank you for the love nuts.

Grown-ups say the darnest things. ROTFLOL.

Friday, December 19, 2008 @ 12:00 PM

mamma mia!

Watched Mamma Mia at the Istana Budaya two nights ago coz Su had an extra ticket. Was never a big fan of musicals but the show that night blew me away - the cast looked like they were having so much fun on stage, the atmosphere was infectious! I saw grown men and women in their rigid suits and evening gowns bopping their heads to the familiar music, and some were even singing along to the famous tunes unabashedly.

Never realized how huge an influence ABBA songs were and still are in our culture till I found myself recognizing every song lyric after the first few notes were played. Although admittedly I remember the Westlife/S CLub 7/Steps version of the originals.

I have a dream~~, a song to sing...~

Hee.

I think I'm losing my knack for writing.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008 @ 4:30 PM

Tis the season~

I love the state of my room right now. There's a bouquet of blossoming purple tulips in a glass bowl, a small Christmas tree decorated with gold ornaments, and a scatter of presents I'd had fun wrapping up underneath the tree.

*bEams* The flowers and the tree especially makes me feel like skipping down the road and humming God is good (all the time~).

Heh.

I'd always wanted my own Christmas tree! Although technically it belongs to the boyfriend but he was sweet enough to set it up in my room instead. ^-^

Birthday pics~ I'm so lazy nowadays I'm juz gonna let the pics tell the story. Hehee. 0=)

Monday, December 15, 2008 @ 10:52 PM

Thanks so much for everything, drea *hugs*

I woke up at the sound of the door creaking open. Through my blurred vision I could make out a dark figure pushing the door open with something dimly lit on his hands.

The dark figure started singing Happy Birthday. My heart skipped a beat; I pushed the blanket away and felt for my glasses nearby. Instantly the boyfriend materialized before me, the warm glow from the candle on top of the cake he was holding reflecting on his smiling face.

I blew the candle feeling more blessed than I've ever been.

Room lit up with scented candles, purple bouquet of tulips, ipod nanos, lovely dinner...

I've been cracking my head on how to blog bout my birthday without sounding like a gushing lovesick stereotype, but the thing is? I'm floored. Simply, and disgustingly contented.

Heh.

Friday, December 05, 2008 @ 12:24 PM

bs asahi

I slid the key card in and pushed open door as the green light lit up and placed the card onto the master switch right next to the door. The room brightened instantaneously, revealing two identical, immaculately-made beds, two mineral water bottles neatly placed on the coffee table, the TV remote right beside them. I dropped my heavy luggage bag on the carpeted floor and landed on the nearest bed in a heap. The clean, smooth sheets felt comforting against my skin, and I had to curb the urge to simply kick off my shoes and doze off right there and then.

Instead, I got off the bed and switched on the plasma TV, channel surfing till I found CNN. The digital alarm clock on the bedside table blinked 12:43. I sighed audibly to myself as I re-read the SMS I received but couldn’t reply earlier this evening. The boyfriend would have been asleep by now.

I plucked the mobile phone charger to the nearest outlet and went to the bathroom for a shower. Neatly folded towels, petite bottles of shampoo and lotions greeted me. I threw a clean towel unceremoniously down onto the cold, tiled floor, stripped off my sweaty clothes and stepped into the bathtub.

After a warm shower, I wrapped myself with a bathrobe and reached over to the bathroom counter and tore open a brand new toothbrush set. My fifth hotel toothbrush in seven days.

Over the past few days, I have picked up a few habits to keep me sane in the midst of a shooting schedule that probably violates more than half of ANY country's labor laws. For example:
- request for a seat far removed from the crew when checking in for a flight
- switch on the TV to a news channel (no TV dramas, movies, etc) to block out any invoking of vulnerable emotions or sense of loneliness
- always pack up my luggage the night before to maximize snoozing time the next morning
- ignore any phone calls from lady boss past midnight
- pretend to not understand whenever suggestive remarks are aimed at me

I've also done certain things I never would've done when I am sane. For example:
- clogging up a narrow street by standing in the middle of the road with an umbrella on each hand because it would interfere with the crew's filming down the road
- raised my voice and snapped at the hotel lobby receptionist (though I stand by my reason that such display of temper was necessary)
- invited the boyfriend to stay at the KL hotel even though it was against company policy (policy, smolicy =P)
- talked to a client on the phone for 15 minutes before realizing I was talking about a completely different assignment with her (the poor, confused woman)
- went out for dinner at 2 in the morning because the crew and I had nothing to eat the whole day
- bargained with flight attendants to waive the overweight charges till the frustrated man literally grabbed his hair and threw up his hands before reducing the charges to half (it was RM3k plus! I had to do sOmething...)
- gave instructions to a Malay van driver in for half a minute before realizing I was speaking in Japanese

But of course, there were some perks that kept me going from the time to time... : - Stayed at seven-star hotels (although I probably spent a total of five hours in them per day. At most.)
- Bloody delicious meals at atas restaurants for free (when we have actually time to sit down and eat)
- Earned enough money for Christmas presents from the allowances

Pictures from the job I both loved and hated at the same time.