W is upset. She's introduced her new boyfriend to her girlfriends, and they're telling her that he's bad for her and she needs to 'find the courage to get out of this destructive relationship'.
W is baffled. Her boyfriend is the best guy she's ever dated, and she's been so sure about him that the girls' comments threw her off completely. Should she listen to her friends, or her heart?
People say best friends know best.
Because love is blind.
And things are clearer from the outside than in.
But what if the outsiders are way off base?
What if the people around you do not have your best interests in mind?
Or maybe they were simply too hasty in their judgments?
...I don't know. I do believe it is a choice, though.
Say your boyfriend's pretty anti-social, so your family and friends find it hard to warm up to him coz of his lack of social skills. But he loves you and treats you like you're his most prized possession (feminist or not, girls like to be pampered. That, I'm sure=P). And you sincerely love him despite his flaws. Do you give up on the relationship coz the people around you gave him the thumbs-down, or do you believe in him and choose to live with his weaknesses, even if it means pity looks from cousins at family dinners, biting remarks from uncles and aunties about how "unfriendly and arrogant" your partner is?
I don't know. It is a choice.
I have a distant aunt who stays in Canada with her doctor husband, an Ang Mo. It sounds like she's hit jackpot "Wah he's a doctor ah? ANGMO somemore arr?? Stay in big Canadian mansion SOMEMORE AR??", and she has, if you want to put it in the crude Chinese-thinking way. She stays in a comfortable bungalow mansion in the suburbs of Toronto with her tall and handsome doctor-husband with two beautiful kids "Waah the kids so cute! Must be coz of the mixed blood." The family makes banana pancakes together for breakfast, and host pool parties for their neighbours during summer at their private pool.
But it wasn't always smooth-sailing for her. Back when they first started dating, my aunt was a fresh college graduate working for a near-minimum-wage, staying with her equally-broke boyfriend, supporting him through med school. It was hardly the American (or Canadian?) dream, but she continued to support him financially for the entire four years of med school.
It was a tough life, made even more difficult by the constant disapproval and discouragement from her family and relatives. I remembered the tsk-tsks and frowns as my aunties discussed about their poor cousin in Canada, "slaving away in a foreign country to REAR a poor Ang Mo".
Ten years down the road, once he became a bona fide doctor, however, the 'tragic' story turned triumphant. "Wah, marry a Ang Mo doctor ah?? Good lo, XXX is so lucky...!"
Had she caved in to the discouraging remarks from the aunties and uncles, my aunt would've missed out on a lifetime of banana pancakes and fresh-ground coffee in the morning, a loving husband who never fails to express his gratitude for all the years she stuck by him and sing her praises whenever there's company.
So do we listen to our hearts?
I don't know. One must make a choice.
I have a friend. She had the boyfriend from hell, and her family and friends didn't hesitate to tell her so. But she was certain he could change, that the rest of the world was wrong because "they don't know him like I do". They fought more than they fondled (It rhymes! Genius huh? XD), but she stuck with it coz "love is about commitment", and coz "there's always ups and downs; nothing's perfect".
One day she found damning evidence that her boyfriend's been cheating on her. Multiple times with different partners
and styles. She vowed to shave her head and become a nun for life. Her famous last words? "I should've listened to my mom. And my best friends, my sister... And that well-dressed man who stopped me on the street to warn me about the bastard. (OK the last one was ad lib)"
So should we heed the well-meant advices?
...I don't know.
But I do know that our God is the all-knowing God, and He will make our paths straight and fulfill our desires no matter what our decisions are, as long as we delight in Him.
That is my source of reassurance, and my answer to dealing with all the uncertainties and insecurities in my life. What's yours? =)
